The American elections gripped the local, with Diameter, the political analyst, being in his drunken element. There was general agreeme...
The American elections gripped the local, with Diameter, the political analyst, being in his drunken element.
There was general agreement that the scandal-ridden Hillary Clinton was the ‘better-bad’ president to the brash and filthy rich Donald Trump, who once said something to the effect that it doesn’t matter what the media says about you, as long as “you’ve got a young beautiful ass.”
Even Nyambu, the counter girl whose ignorance on matters politics can fill a library, concurred that there was a world of difference between the elections in America and Kenya, where aspirants buy voters alcohol and thus go a long way in enriching brewers, barley farmers, counter girls and bar owners with leftovers of campaign money. Never mind the onywaji is normally achwaka or second-generation stuff with names like ‘Loliondo’ and ‘Tornado.’
Kenya, pointed out Diameter, is a country with a Commission for Revenue Allocation, but no commission for revenue generation, which is one way of telling you are in the Third World where highways and buildings will be chafuliwad with campaign posters and graffiti. That includes the local, whose walls were sprayed with ‘Izzoh for MCA 2017’ in the dead of night.
While Kang’ethe complains that his wife still wears the ‘Kibaki Tena’ T-shirt to bed, Kenya’s forthcoming elections in 2017 have already seen Waka-Knife, the butcher, sporting a white overcoat announcing ‘Nyama na MP 2017,’ although few drinkers can connect the two. But Waka-Knife is happy that the new overcoat replaced his brown dust coat that has served him well since the 2007 General Election.
“But in America, Trump never dished out reflector jackets with images of his funny hair to boda boda riders,” pointed out Owish, adding that the two presidential candidates rarely campaigned in soccer stadiums or splashed their faces on mock exam papers or mathematical sets in American schools.
Hillary and Trump also didn’t dish out money to woo voters, unlike here where Nyambu is preparing for a windfall arguing, “Tutakula pesa ya kura. But we all know kula will be replaced with kunywa of endless crates of booze when aspirants throng the local to throw helicopter rounds in the ensuing ‘beer-shara’ of buying kura via ruining the liver of God-fearing voters
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